just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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