Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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