I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize