Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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