I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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