Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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