At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
