I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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