It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
