Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
