he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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