I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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