i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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