gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
