And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
