I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
