Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
