it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
