My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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