Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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