So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
