R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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