I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
