After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
