someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
