At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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