so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
