Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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