I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
