I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
