she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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