Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
