Say something about gay babies.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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