Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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