he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
