Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
