omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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