Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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