Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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