It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
