dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
