Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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