just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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