I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
