I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
