Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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