Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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