god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im part way to drunk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
