You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
