I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
