we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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