I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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