id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize