I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm bleeding and have questions
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
