lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The air was thick with penises
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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