We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
