last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
