so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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