My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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