Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
