Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
