best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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