Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
