I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize