I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
