I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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