i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
