fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
