I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
