I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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