Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
