you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
