So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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