I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
