I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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