I can tuck mytits in my pants
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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